


the boy you loved in spring

by lovecity (xies)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe - College, Alternative Universe - High School, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Teen Angst, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xies/pseuds/lovecity
Summary: It's in the middle of a fair, bright neon lights and loud music in the background, that Jisung realizes he's been in love with Jaemin for half his life. It's ironic, really—because Jaemin is going away for college in two days, and now, there’s nothing Jisung can do about it.
Relationships: Na Jaemin/Park Jisung, Park Jisung & Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 2
Kudos: 90
Collections: K-Pop Ficmix 2020





	the boy you loved in spring

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moodmaker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodmaker/gifts).
  * Inspired by [boy problems](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17843096) by [moodmaker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodmaker/pseuds/moodmaker). 



> edit 04/01/21: i forgot to front date before and it's been months, so i'm going to front date for now and change it back to the original posting date later ^^
> 
> to moodmaker/crys; first of all, i just want to say it was really hard to pick one of your fics to remix, because i loved them all. at one point i had three fics i wanted to remix! you're an amazing writer, and i hope you keep creating awesome content. ahhh anyway, i know this fic is a lot more dramatic than the original fic, but i hope you enjoy it regardless :]
> 
> title from [here](https://open.spotify.com/track/7sNcXwdbrtMfiYZPiQm2kf?si=c8Di8NWDQuGEJp_kCQvuCA)  
> 

Growing up, Jaemin had always been a constant in Jisung’s life. Their mothers had known each other since grad school, and had become best friends after. And like his mother says, history is bound to be repeated.

That’s how he finds himself squeezed between Jaemin and his dad at the back of his own car, as their moms chat far too animatedly for a 7 am conversation on the front of the car. Jisung considers telling his mom to keep her eyes on the road, giving that she’s constantly turning to face her best friend briefly, but he just resigns, knowing that it won’t do much.

He looks out of the window with a deep sigh.

It’s Jisung’s first day of highschool, and he can’t deny he’s nervous. If the fact that he’s constantly sighing isn’t telling, maybe the incessant way his leg goes up and down is.

“You’re going to be alright,” Jaemin says, putting a hand on his thigh. Jisung swallows, giving him a watered down smile, but his leg doesn't stop shaking nonetheless.

 _You’re going to be alright_ , Jaemin had said.

And Jisung doesn’t know if he will, but with Jaemin by his side, he thinks he might just be.

* * *

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Jaemin asks him one day.

They are sitting on the sides of the basketball court. Jaemin had brought them ice cream, something about congratulating Jisung on making it to the school’s dance club, even if it's already two months into the semester, and Jisung has been in the club for the most part of those two months.

It’s not like Jisung's going to question free ice cream, anyway.

“Aren’t you like seventeen?” Jisung replies, tilting his head to the side. He doesn’t know why Jaemin's asking this _now_ , when they’ve quite literally known each other since they were toddlers.

“Are you calling me old?” Jaemin says, a smile on his lips. Jisung just sticks out his tongue to him, and Jaemin pouts, extending a hand to pinch his cheek before lying against the fence again. “Aren’t we old enough to know what we want to do after we graduate, though?” Jaemin says, eyes fixed beyond the court, and into nothing in particular.

Jisung looks at him.

He looks handsome like this, sharp jaw and pretty eyes, but he also looks soft, the dim orange and purple light of the sunset against his lightly tanned skin—courtesy of the countless afternoons spent in this exact same place, the sun burning bright on the sky from five to seven.

He shakes his head.

“I suppose,” Jisung says then, licking the ice cream again. It’s cold against his tongue, and he shivers slightly, the afternoon spring breeze soft and icy against his bare arms. “Why, do you have anything in mind?”

“No,” Jaemin says mindlessly, still staring ahead, like he’s talking, but just not to Jisung in particular. “I just know I want to go college. Get out of here, _y’know_?”

Jisung nods then, even if just for the sake of it, because Jaemin's still looking at the skyline in front of them. And because, well—does he _really_ know?

It’s another question he doesn’t have an answer for just yet.

* * *

Ever since he was little, Jisung has been shy. At least that’s what his mother always tells other people. When he was a kid, he was a shy boy, and that’s why he used to get behind her whenever he met people, clutching to his mom’s leg with his hands. At that time, Jisung didn’t think it was true. Adults were frightening, too tall and big, and Jisung remembers vividly disliking all the rules he had to follow. _Be nice, be polite, c’mon, give your aunt a kiss._

Things haven’t changed much since then. He still gets anxious when there’s too many people, and he likes routine the best.

Just before their performance for the annual Seollal event, he manages to catch a glimpse of the public waiting for them, and he feels dread washing over him. It’s mostly just their parents, school staff, and maybe some students from the school they are currently visiting, but it’s still a lot more than Jisung would’ve liked.

He turns around, if only to not be tempted to take another peek at the public, and sees Jaemin at the other end of the stage, daegeum in hand, waiting for the music cue. Their school is up first, and that makes him even more anxious.

He feels his legs shake, and he braces himself, counting backwards from ten like his mom had taught him to do. There’s a mix of emotions pooling on his stomach, nervousness, regret, and envy, because Jaemin had been smart enough to get out of dancing for this performance, unlike him, who actually got to be center for most of it.

From across the stage, Jaemin looks at him, and Jisung blinks.

 _You’ll be okay,_ Jaemin mouths, and Jisung wants to reply, tell him to _shut up_ and _thank you_ , but then, the lights dim all too quickly, and Jisung rushes out, panicking for the slightest moment, before the lights are on him.

He closes his eyes, the lights from the reflectors on him. When he opens his eyes, he feels calm again. He tunes everything out, except the music.

For a whole four minutes and ten seconds, there’s nothing but the music, and he isn’t Park Jisung, 3.6 GPA, basketball and dance club member, but just a body between all the other bodies dancing in perfect sync.

Jisung dances, and for a whole four minutes and ten seconds, there’s nothing else.

* * *

Jaemin’s final year in high school goes in a rush. Jisung won’t be sad— he’s had time to prepare for it, the graduation and everything else. When he hears the name _Jaemin Na,_ he watches Jaemin walk slowly to the stage, clutching at his cap, because he had messed up the size, Jisung puts on a smile.

He looks a bit funny, hair sticking out of the too-big-cap, tassel repeatedly coming to his face. Even then, Jaemin looks handsome, eyes big and shiny, smile pleasant.

And as he watches him get his diploma, Jisung isn’t sad, really—there’s a slight, soft tingle on his chest, but it’s not sadness. Because growing up, Jaemin had always been a constant in Jisung’s life. Now, the last string that tied them together is breaking, and Jisung knows he can’t expect things to be the same as they were before.

Jaemin’s going to college, and Jisung won’t be a part of his life anymore, at least in the way he was here, in this town he’s grown used to. He’s not as sad as he’s proud and happy for him, but he’s also longing, even if Jaemin's still right there in front of him.

Jaemin poses for a few photos, and then he’s out. He doesn’t look at Jisung once.

He’s way in the back of the seats, anyway, just another face in the crowd. The next name's read out loud, voice stern and loud on the speakers. Jisung swallows, but the bittersweet feeling doesn’t go away.

Jisung's going to graduate in two years, and he doesn’t even know what he will do next week, let alone in two years.

At sixteen, two years is a long time to wait.

(After the ceremony's over, he rushes up the stairs. He gives Jaemin the flowers his parents had insisted on buying, trying not to blush, and Jaemin tells him to _not be sad_ , which is kind of ironic, but Jisung rolls his eyes before giving him a hug.

 _I’ll miss you,_ he whispers.

He wonders if Jaemin will miss him too. _)_

* * *

A few days before Jaemin goes to college, he invites Jisung to the fair near their school. It’s just a 20 minute walk away, but Jaemin tells him to bring his bike, so they can bike back together. Jaemin always sees him home after they hang out, so Jisung complies, even if his bike it’s getting a bit too small for him now.

The fair's pretty, and it’s full of people. The Christmas lights hanging as decoration are odd to see in the middle of a summer night, but they are bright and colorful, and Jisung knows Jaemin likes them, even if he doesn’t say so.

They walk around for a bit, until Jamin convinces him to ride the ferris wheel with him, because of course he would, even if Jisung is scared shitless of heights.

It’s the second turn, and they are alone. Jaemin sits in front of him, their knees bumping into each other. Jaemin looks beautiful, face half hidden by the shadows as he takes a look outside, and Jisung’s heart swells, because he will miss this so much.

Jaemin turns to look at him, and makes a joke, something about the people that look like ants from up here, and it’s boring, but he laughs nonetheless.

He laughs hysterically, until he feels breathless, hands clutching his stomach, and ribs sore.

“Nana,” Jisung says, a painful whisper. He doesn’t realize there are tears in his eyes until Jaemin looks at him, half amused, half concerned, a soft frown on his pretty, pretty face.

And Jisung just wants to lean in, and grab him by the hem of his shirt, and kiss him. To tell him how much he will miss him, _truly_ , and that’s he’s scared of being alone, of being left behind.

But this is Jaemin, and he can’t. There’s too much at stake, years and years of friendship, and no what-ifs will ever be worth it, much less something like this.

He leans back, and wipes his eyes clean, taking a deep breath to calm himself.

“Sorry,” he says, looking everywhere _but_ Jaemin, “that was too funny.”

Jisung doesn’t know if Jaemin totally believes him, but it doesn’t matter. Jaemin looks at him like he’s grown a new head, but then laughs with him, and pinches his cheeks.

“You should’ve told me you didn’t want to come,” he says. “Is Jinsungie scared?”

And he’s sure Jaemin’s asking because there’s several meters between them and the ground, and if he looks out of the window, he might feel sick, but the answer's true nonetheless because—

“Yes.”

He is scared.

(Later that night, Jaemin doesn’t ride back with him. Jungwoo calls Jaemin to go to Yukhei's house, and Jisung has a curfew. And when Jaemin asks him if he wants Jaemin to accompany him back to his house, Jisung politely declines— it’s not like he will say the words he desperately wants to get out of him, anyway.

For the first time, it becomes so painfully clear that he feels stupid for not having taken it as it is sooner.

Because Jaemin's going away in two days, and there’s absolutely nothing Jisung can do about it.)

* * *

He meets Chenle on his first day as a junior in high school. Chenle's one year above him, but that doesn’t stop him from coming to his classroom to spend all his breaks with him. He’s all smiles, laughter and inside jokes, and he likes him a lot.

It's different from Jaemin, who had been there all his life, but still managed to make him a bit nervous when he stared too long at him, or pinched at his cheeks with a pouty face, or kissed his neck when Jisung was distracted. It's different, but it's most definitely welcomed.

Chenle's all smiles, and when he’s with him, Jisung feels at home too.

* * *

During his second year, he officially becomes the center for their dance club. They call Jisung a prodigy. It’s almost funny, considering he only started dancing because Jaemin had joined the school’s dance club, and wherever Jaemin went, Jisung went along.

Jisung loves to dance.

He doesn’t know about the prodigy part just yet.

* * *

“Did you know that they say only children are prone to be introverts?” Chenle asks him one day.

Jisung pauses, spinning his pencil on his hand, mostly out of habit. And it makes sense, what Chenle just said. He thinks back to his mom's words, the way he’s always been told he’s shy.

“What if I don’t want to be?” Jisung says then, looking up from his math homework, books and papers spread in front of him. His laptop's in front of them, chrome open, a tab with some random math video, and another one with food Chenle had insisted on wanting to try.

Chenle tilts his head. “Why wouldn’t you want to?” he asks, waving the lollipop on his hand around. “I don’t think you can choose anyway.”

Jisung shrugs. “It just seems easier.”

“You’re fine the way you are, though,” Chenle says then, sticking his tongue out to him. It’s tinted blue. “Don’t beat yourself up, Jisungie. You’re way _too_ tall, but you’re nice. That’s why we are friends, after all,” he adds, a smile on his face.

Jisung smiles too, because he can’t help it. He shakes his head, and he’s half tempted to protest, because Chenle’s barely older than him to be talking like this, but he doesn’t. Between them, Chenle has always been the know-it-all, anyway.

“Chenle,” he says, his voice suddenly serious. Chenle seems to pick up on it, because he straightens on his chair and looks at him curiously. Jisung has an idea that’s been on the back of his mind for a while now, and he’s conscious that his dad’s not going to be happy with him, and his mom’s going to be mad for at least a week, but he wants this.

And isn’t it being eighteen all about that?

“Would you help me dye my hair?”

He’s graduating from high school in two weeks, anyway, and he won’t be the only one with dyed hair at college. He wonders if Jaemin will notice, if he happens to see him there. He’s going to the same campus, and even if Jisung doesn’t know where they stand anymore, he’s willing to figure it out along the way.

If he’s come to learn anything, it's that sometimes, only time will tell.

* * *

Jisung's tired. First week at uni is hell, to say the least. The library's cold, and he only wore a hoodie and a sleeveless shirt underneath. He tugs at the sleeves of his hoodie with his fingers, trying to protect his hands from the cold, and lies on the chair, listening to Chenle ranting about someone he met in one of his classes, who seemed to have a very nice smile, and _starts in his eyes._ Jisung laughs when Chenle starts listing the pros of asking him out, the copper bangs reaching his eyes before he brushes them off his face slowly.

“Don’t laugh!” Chenle says, an offended pout on his lips. “I’m serious, he’s so cute!”

“Just ask him for his number or something,” Jisung says, eyeing the clock on the wall. Eight minutes before his next class. “I’m sure if you just tell him—”

There’s a loud sound that comes from the back of the room, a pained yelp. Jisung startles, watching as all the shelves of books start to fall like dominoes behind them. He follows the directions of the shelves, all the way to the back of the room and right there—

“Jaemin?” he asks.

“Hi, Jisung,” Jaemin says politely, his expression shifting from horror to something uncomfortable, his smile too tight. Jisung takes a second to look at him again. He looks almost the same, cheek less full and body even leaner, but his lips are still chapped, the corner of his mouth curling upwards. “Didn’t see you there.”

It doesn’t sound like the truth, but Jisung smiles back nonetheless.

“It’s good to see you, Jaemin,” he says, and Jaemin opens his mouth, surprised, but closes it again. Jisung laughs softly, and he would like to stay and talk some more, but he’s got classes in five minutes, and the librarian’s rushing this way, and he doesn’t think it’s going to be pretty after what happened with the shelves. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

This time, he doesn’t wait for an answer. He grabs Chenle by the hand, who only lets out a huff, and speeds to the exit. Outside, the warm of the spring sunlight hits him, and he feels his cheeks warm, but at least his heart is calm.

This doesn’t feel like a high school crush anymore. It’s settling deeper on him, and for the first time, he realizes that maybe, it always had been a little bit more than just a hopeless crush on his childhood friend. Maybe, this time, they can have a shot.

It’s been two years, after all. Jisung’s come a long way ever since.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is sort of a prequel to the fic that inspired it, so I suggest you head to that one after reading this, because it's amazing and really funny (and just the perfect amount of heart breaking).
> 
> thank you for reading!


End file.
